This edition features practical tips for fighting the anxiety of family gatherings from the ever-popular Dr. Hendrie Weisinger, along with some outrageous humor, a soulful book, a special product offering, and a shameless request for your help.
First, the request:
CAN YOU PROVIDE A TESTIMONIAL?
If you have gotten great results from what I champion and teach, let the world know! I’m gathering both written and video testimonials from clients and workshop attendees who took action to make something happen. Would you be willing to share what you learned, how you applied it, and the results you achieved? We don’t need organization names, just your name and function. Please contact me if you are willing to participate, and I have a unique way to thank the first three people who do.
SPECIAL PRODUCT OFFERING
Over the years many people have requested my PowerPoint slides from my Logical Framework Project Management programs so they could share these concepts with peers. Finally, I am making them available in a 50+ slide set that cover the fundamentals. For my readers only, your special price is $149, a nice savings over the normal $225. Get them now by clicking HERE. Use discount code YES at checkout for your 34% savings.
Tips for Fighting Family Gathering Anxiety
If you are like millions of others worldwide, I can make money by betting that in the next few weeks, you will be going to an event that has existed hundreds of thousands of years before catering -- the family gathering.
I'll make more money by betting that you will be excited to go; you'll think about it for weeks, buy a new article of clothing (Ms. Retail confirms this fact), tell your friends you're going, get delusional about losing 10 pounds and, even when you can't afford it, buy gifts for all -- aunts, uncles, cousins, newborns of cousins (In Yankees language, it is a contemporary "Murderers' Row") -- and you will do all with a smile.
I am not finished. My big cash-in is my final bet -- that you will be happy to leave. You know the phrases, from the original, "Come on, the traffic is going to be terrible," to the more modern, "Come on, we're going to miss the plane." In the old days, you said, "He doesn't feel good." This year, you are probably going with, "He's going back to college tomorrow." For many, it is as plain as, "Come on already, I want to go," and that is usually said with great enthusiasm.
Of course there are the outliers: those family gatherings that start with enthusiasm and end with genuine feelings of sadness because each family member is sad to leave the presence of those that gathered. It is unfortunate that according to the bell curve of family gatherings, the aforementioned is rare, and it should also be stated for the record that the opposite is also rare, that the family gathering ends with everybody wishing wrath for each other, the lone example being the family gathering of the Five Families.
The fact is, for the majority of us, family gatherings run the gamut of emotions. An utterance from a cousin might irk you for a minute, just as watching grandparents dance might evoke a tear of joy. It's all there, and when the good outweighs the bad and the ugly, the family gathering is sweet.
Most psychologists, and I am not an exception, will tell you that many people suffer what I coin FGA -- Family Gathering Anxiety. Basically, this refers to those who experience strong feelings of anxiety before and often during a family gathering. In this context, their anxiety stems from their uncertainties as to how the family gathering will run its course. "What if he brings this up? What should I say?" It might be, "I know they are all going to comment on my weight," a slight derivation being, "I know they are all going to ask when I will get a job."
Whatever it is, these uncertainties ruin the pleasure of family gatherings.
Over the years, I have developed some hands-on, easy-to-use, powerful techniques, all confirmed to be effective by thousands of people who have attended family gatherings, that I will share with you on the grounds that they can make your next family gathering positively memorable and cut back on FGA.
Practice what I preach:
1) "You Look Great!"
Who doesn't want to hear that? Psychology research in the area of positive affects shows that giving people compliments about their physical attractiveness, health and weight increases their self-esteem, puts them in a good mood, and makes them kinder to you! So what if it only has a momentary impact? You are not there forever. The one caveat is that once you use it for one family member, you have to say it to all; otherwise, some will take it that you think they don't look great, which of course is true.
Nevertheless, you are not there to offend, so make sure you give at least one compliment to every member of the family gathering. If you have FGA, making a list of compliments in advance will help you be confident that your conversations will be positive and fun. Be prepared for getting your compliments returned, naturally with the same sincerity.
2) Sensitive Avoidance
We can all learn from Herb's experience:
I always look forward to seeing my nephews at family gatherings. We always talk college football, but since they are both Michigan fans, they get sick and angry every time I bring up the subject. It got so bad, that one of my nephews started choking on a turkey leg when I mentioned the pathetic Michigan defense. I thought I would have to call 911. Since then, I make it a point never to mention Michigan Football, basketball either.
Herb has a point: we all know what makes others feel bad, so increase your awareness of what you say. Don't bring up topics or say things that hurt the feelings of those who have gathered with you.
3) "Can I Get You Anything?"
You will find it fun every so often to take a glance around to see what you might do to serve someone. Perhaps your aunt wants a piece of cake, but it is an effort for her to get out of her chair. Be the good nephew and rush to her assistance; you will make her happy, and, naturally, you will share the contagious emotion with her. If there are little ones, play with them, do something for them, and, if only for the evening, you are their favorite grownup.
Saying, "You look great!" practicing sensitive avoidance and asking, "Can I get you anything?" are sure to enhance any family gathering, and if you forget to do these things, just remember that a family gathering is not just an event to go to; it is an opportunity to get those that we love to all be together.
This article first appeared in the Huffington Post.
Here are a couple of our most popular Logical Framework project plans. Check them out and glean all the insights you can.
Stephanie's Consulting Company
SOLE to SOUL: How to Identify Your Soul Purpose and Monetize It
By Melissa Evans
Reviewed by Terry Schmidt
Melissa Evans is a vibrant woman with advanced project management expertise who became a millionaire at age 31. She is now helping others to leverage their own gifts in SOLE to SOUL: How to Identify Your Soul Purpose and Monetize It. By way of full disclosure, she is also a great friend I met through an entrepreneurial network.
She shares the secret of attracting abundance in your relationships, business, health, and vision for your life. Melissa believes that our soul purpose is as unique as a fingerprint, and we full our purpose by embracing our own authenticity and sharing it with the world.
She is known as the Guru of Implementation, and has helped clients all over the world identify their soul purpose and figure out how to monetize it. In this book you will find out how to not only identify your soul purpose, but also create a plan and monetize it. You'll also take a journey and read powerful success stories of other people who are living out their soul purposes and finding incredible success. Whether you harbor thoughts of wanting to strike out on your own, or just want to reconnect with your passion, this book is a winner.
Sole to Soul
This video’s lesson-learned is that no matter how responsible your monkey seems to be, never lend him your AK-47.